Reap What You Sow
by salanderjade
Summary: Gale's thoughts as he watches certain scenes from the Hunger Games. Read and review please.


Reap What You Sow

Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so. David Grayson

I never spoke up. I never said the words that would make everything clear or plunge it all into ruin. I never took that chance. I thought I had all the time in the world. I thought it would always be this way because that is the way it's always been. I realize now, I wasted so many chances and I might never have another.

I didn't always love her. I don't even know if love describes exactly what she is to me. It seems an almost foolish emotion-fickle, fleeting, and full of heat and empty promises. That doesn't do justice to what she means to me and I mean to her. We've been companions for half our lives, dependent and depending on each other to help those we love survive. Not allowed to be children but, as a child, bearing the responsibility of an adult. It's a load that can't be carried alone. But I didn't have to bear that burden, she carried it with me.

When she volunteered, my heart leapt into my throat. I felt everything in me rise up in denial that this could happen. They could take everything else-my father, my hope, and my dreams of a future that didn't include a Reaping. But they couldn't take her. Naturally, that is exactly what they took. A twist of fate that made it impossible for things to be the way they had always been. Something as simple as a name drawn from a Reaping bowl altered the course of my Fate forever. It can never go back. I can never go back. I lost my chance.

I keep quiet as I watch them, these Hunger Games. This pageant that they use to tie a noose around our neck. They force us to celebrate the death of the very future that we hope to build. They take away the pieces of who we are and grind them into the dust of their Arenas. They bind us with the chains of a past that none of us were alive to see. They take the very thing we love and force us to celebrate the very thing we hate. It would be pathetic if it weren't so damned tragic.

She did well on her own just like I told her to. Just like I knew she would. She's a survivor. It's one of the things I love about her. She won't give up. She will win just to spite those who have no faith in her. She will keep going because she told the one she loves that she will come home. She didn't say those words to me but I felt her eyes meet mine as she spoke them. Like an unseen promise. Like a vow.

I didn't know Peeta Mellark before they called his name and he stood beside her on that stage. I didn't think about him except to feel sorrow for his family. His father is a good man and it is a difficult thing to lose someone you love. I've done it once already. I may have to do it again soon. If these Games don't work out as I hope, I may have to say goodbye one more time. I may forever lose that chance.

He told the whole world that he loves her. I can't hate him for that. I envy him in a way because he did something that I could not or would not do. He took the chance. Is it just part of the Game? I don't know. I don't know him well enough to say what a lie is and what the truth is. I see by her face that she doesn't know either. Too much said in too short a time. This truth or half-truth can save or damn them both. But I have to admire him. He spoke up. He didn't let opportunity pass him by.

It looks like he has betrayed the very thing he claimed to love. That's what she is thinking. She can't see what I've seen. The web he spins pulling them deeper and deeper. The chances that he takes to give her one more chance at life. I would be grateful if it didn't hurt so much. I can't protect her. I can't stand between her and those who seek to bring her down. I can only keep safe those that she loves; hoping that he who claims to love her can do the same.

She's lost someone and now she is lost. She can't protect her heart. It beats too close to the surface. It tears down the walls she hides behind, breaks into, and screams for all to hear. She moves like the worlds on her shoulders. Like she's failed at something vital. They've taken something from her that was precious. They've made this battle personal.

She screams out his name in the dark. Now she's the one taking chances. Out in the open, running scared, looking for a chance to take it all back. To try and make it mean something again. She will risk it all to find the one who she knows has protected her. She will pay that back even if it takes everything she has.

She goes out to fight for him. Risking herself for the possibility to bring him home. I watch her touch his face before leaving. Does her hand linger a little longer than the day before? Is there something else pushing her to take this leap-some faith or hope that she can outwit fate and outrun time? Does she love him? Does she owe him? Does it even matter anymore? Nothing comes in this Arena without a price. Just how much is she willing to pay?

He finds her in a puddle of blood and panics. I curse out loud as he fumbles in haste to patch her wound. She almost gave everything to give him this chance. He binds her up and holds her close whispering and praying. I find myself echoing his words. Begging to anyone who would listen…let her live, let her live.

They huddle together in the cold. Frozen and hopeless, all chance seemingly abandoned. They talk of bread and Valley songs and debts more than paid. He says she hasn't been paying attention. But her eyes give her away. She hears the truth in those words. Just as I do. He says he loves her. The Reaping gave him a chance and he's taking it. Oh, God! He's taking it.

There is no safety. The mutts have them cornered. Both are bleeding. Fate is decided with a mark on a hand. The arrow flies and falls. Blood flows in streams as one more lets go. Two left standing where only one can walk free. But she refuses to back down, and takes chance out of her pocket. Daring Fate. Daring all. They are free but he is falling. A red river flows like a flood. She storms the wall screaming, and they take her down as they bring him back. Everything else goes away.

She is draped in flames and candles. She's grabbed hold with both hands and isn't letting go. Life without him isn't life. Star-crossed and fated. One more show for the road.

I never spoke up. I never said the words that would damn or save me. I was never reaped but that doesn't matter. I lost my chance the moment she stepped on that stage. But she's beaten the odds, she's coming home. And maybe the odds will be in my favor this time. Maybe Fate will turn my way. The train will be here any moment. This time it's my turn.

The End

A/N This is very different from my other fics. I'm not a big fan of Gale but I did wonder what was going through his head as he watched certain scenes in the Hunger Games. That's what I've tried to show here. Please review and let me know what you think. I love to get feedback.


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